How I Helped My Son Emerge from the Darkness of Depression

How I Helped My Son Emerge from the Darkness of Depression

That day, the sky was gray and gloomy, and my heart felt so heavy that I could barely breathe. I stumbled up to the rooftop of the eleven-story building. Helplessness, hurt, shock, despair… all kinds of emotions came flooding over me. Unable to hold back any longer, I crouched down and burst into tears.

At the time, my son had just entered the second year of junior high school. He was rebellious and had lost interest in school, and we often argued fiercely. One day, I hid in the bathroom crying, desperately hoping that he would come and comfort me. Instead, he suddenly pushed open the door and shouted at me, “Mom, how can you still cry? I’m ten thousand times more miserable than you, and even I’m not crying!”

I froze. My tears stopped instantly, and my heart ached so badly that I could hardly breathe. After my divorce, I had raised my son alone, taking on the roles of both mother and father. I never imagined that he could say something that would hurt me so deeply.

It was after that argument that my son began frequently refusing to go to school. Whenever teachers or classmates were mentioned, he became extremely irritated and resistant. Desperate to help him, I tried everything I could think of. I took him to the hospital, but he refused to take the medication prescribed by the doctor. I found a counselor for him, but after one visit, he firmly refused to go back. I transferred him to the school where I worked, but that only made him even more unwilling to enter the classroom. I asked relatives and elders he respected to talk to him, but nothing helped. I even sought fortune-tellers and spiritual mediums, but all of it was in vain.

He spent his days shut inside his room, with the curtains tightly drawn. Even in broad daylight, he would not turn on the lights because he was afraid that others might see that he was not attending school.

I had tried every worldly method I could think of, yet nothing worked. I felt completely helpless and hopeless. Was there really no way to save my child?

Just when I felt I could no longer endure it and was on the verge of breaking down, a fellow Buddhist practitioner came into my life. She told me to sincerely pray for the blessings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, genuinely repent, and dedicate the merit from my virtuous deeds to my son.

It felt as though I had finally found something to hold on to. I began reciting sutras every day and sincerely dedicating the merit to him. At first, there was some improvement. My son became willing to attend school again, and I was overjoyed. Unfortunately, his karmic obstacles were too heavy, and the situation repeatedly went back and forth—one good day followed by ten difficult ones.

At that time, I also experienced doubts and uncertainty: Could learning Buddhism really save my child?

Although I was listening to Dharma teachings and reciting sutras, I did not truly understand the principles of the Dharma. My mind remained filled with attachments. I could not let go of my pride as a teacher because I feared my colleagues would laugh at me. I could not stop worrying about my son’s future because I feared his entire life would be ruined. And I could not let go of what other people might think or say about us.

During that period, whenever I heard about students suffering from depression who had taken their own lives after being unknowingly provoked by their parents, I became extremely anxious. I constantly feared that something similar might happen to my son. Every day, I lived in anxiety, inner conflict, and fear.

My relationship with my son eventually became extremely strained. Even though we lived under the same roof, the atmosphere was so oppressive that simply being together without speaking felt suffocating. Every day, I obsessively watched to see whether he would go to school. Our home was filled with negativity.

The more anxious I became, the more depressed he became. The more agitated I was, the more he suffered. The distance between mother and son grew wider and wider.

Again and again, the fellow practitioner advised me, “Listen carefully to the Dharma teachings of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III and cultivate yourself well. Change your own mind first and let go of your attachments. Then your child will naturally begin to change.”

But at the time, I was ignorant. I kept thinking, My child isn’t even going to school. How could I possibly have the state of mind to study Buddhism? I remained trapped in worry and anxiety.

Later, a friend suggested that I take my son to stay at a Buddhist temple for a while. But he absolutely refused to leave the house, so I went to the temple by myself.

As soon as I arrived and heard the peaceful sound of sutras being recited, my heart, which had been tense for so long, suddenly began to relax. There, a group of people who had never even met me sincerely prayed for my son and dedicated merit to him. I was deeply moved by their kindness and warmth.

Suddenly, I understood: Buddha Dharma is not superstition. It is compassion. It is warmth. It offers deliverance when one feels there is nowhere else to turn.

I was deeply touched. At that moment, I made up my mind to stop allowing my thoughts to run wild and instead sincerely learn Buddhism and cultivate myself.

I began listening to Dharma teachings of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III every week and stopped obsessively watching my son. In the past, whenever he refused to go to school, I felt as though the sky were falling. Later, I entrusted everything to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Whether my son went to school or not was no longer something I clung to. I concentrated instead on learning Buddhism, cultivating myself, and changing my own mind first.

Every day, I listened attentively to Dharma teachings, sincerely repented, worked to correct my faults and cultivate goodness, and dedicated to my son the merit from listening to the Dharma of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, reciting sutras, releasing living beings, and performing other virtuous deeds.

I stopped constantly watching and pressuring him. Instead, I treated him with greater tolerance and compassion. As my own state of mind changed, my son began to change as well.

Our relationship gradually softened and became warm again. The atmosphere at home also slowly improved. Eventually, my son returned to school, although he would occasionally still become reluctant to attend. Whenever this happened, I patiently guided and encouraged him while praying for the blessings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.

I remember that one month before his junior high school graduation examination, his karmic obstacles manifested again, and he stayed home, unwilling to attend school.

At that time, the temple happened to be holding a Dharma assembly. I patiently persuaded my son to come with me to pay respect to the Buddhas, repent, and pray for blessings.

That Dharma assembly was particularly auspicious and extraordinary. The blessings of the Buddha Dharma were inconceivable. After we returned home from the temple, my son seemed like a different person. He happily went to school every day, was successfully admitted to high school, and was even recognized as an outstanding student during the military training program for incoming freshmen.

I knelt before the Buddha, tears streaming down my face, filled with heartfelt gratitude for the compassionate blessings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.

Throughout his three years of high school, I continued reciting sutras, cultivating myself, releasing living beings, and dedicating merit without interruption. Buddha Dharma accompanied and protected our family throughout that journey.

Gradually, my son began exercising regularly. He emerged from the shadow of depression, became increasingly cheerful and optimistic, and grew physically healthier. He successfully completed high school, took the national college entrance examination, and was admitted to a junior college.

From being a depressed eighth-grader who refused to attend school and shut himself away from the world, to becoming a mature and motivated young man who eventually entered college—the tears shed along the way, the countless agonizing nights, and the many times I felt I was falling apart are things only I truly know.

In the past, I was controlling, anxious, and convinced that everything I did was for my son’s good. Yet unknowingly, I had turned my love into shackles.

After learning Buddhism and cultivating myself, I learned to let go, to have faith, and to guide rather than control.

I came to understand that the best education is not about controlling our children. It is about improving ourselves and illuminating their path through our own virtue. The deepest form of a mother’s love is not holding on tightly, but knowing when to let go and patiently guide her child along the way.

Through my own experience, I want to say something to every mother who feels as helpless as I once did:

Hospitals could not heal my son’s suffering of the mind. Psychological counseling could not resolve his karmic obstacles. Neither money nor personal connections could help us. It was Buddha Dharma that saved my child and also brought deliverance to me—a mother who had been deeply wounded and overwhelmed by suffering.

As long as you are willing to have faith, the light of Buddha Dharma is always there. The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas will never abandon a mother who feels she has reached the end of the road.

Author: Jingxin
Editor: Anran

Learn more about H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

Link: https://dharma-hhdorjechangbuddhaiii.org/dorje-chang-buddha-iii-helping-my-son-overcome-depression/

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